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Writer's pictureCarla Webb

Corona blues

Things that I have learned in the past few weeks.....there is much more, but I need to get on with the filing 😉


I miss La Bise. I like kissing people hello, it is a clear greeting method in most European countries. You see someone you know and you give them the Bise. It is impersonal, a cheek brush at best. Brits who do a 'mwah' sound don't get it. There is no sound - just a cheek brush. Other Brits like to plant a smacker (sometimes damp) on your cheek. NO. It is a CHEEK BRUSH. I don't want your saliva on me, corona or not. I can forgive a bit of slobber if you are under 10, for all others, I don't want to feel your lips, I want a cheek brush. No awkward hugs or awkward handshake when you know each other better than handshaking but don't want to 'kiss'. It's the Bise. And I miss it.


I eat more sugar than I thought I did. I am a savoury person, I rarely order dessert, preferring a spoonful (literally ONE spoonful) of your chocolate fondant. But now that I am home alone with no sugar in the house, I have started eating cooking chocolate. Which proves my point that I am not a 'sweet' craver as cooking chocolate is bloody revolting.


The people who hate judgemental people are the most judgemental. Seriously everyone, let's shut the fuck up about who is too panicky, not panicky enough, not wearing enough protection, wearing too much protection, not shopping enough, shopping too much, working when they shouldn't or not working when they should. WE ARE ALL LEARNING.... no-one knows what the hell is going on, there is no conspiracy, there are well meaning (but not always successful) attempts by governments, councils, the police....as they too are learning. Don't waste your time on social media hating the worriers/non worriers. Just keep safe, exercise your capacity for tolerance and let others live the way they feel is right.


I love being alone. I crave aloneness, I live alone, I spend the majority of my weekends alone, if I have guests to stay I want them to leave after 2 days. But as soon as I 'have' to be alone, it seems strangely restrictive.


People are selfish. I'm asking my elderly neighbours if they need shopping whilst their two adult sons who live 40 minutes away have done nothing. For sure they sent an e-mail saying 'are you OK', to which the elderly neighbours replied 'we're fine' because let's face it, this pales in comparison to WWII. But just send them some supplies, call them more often, do something. I took them an apple pie (random I know but it looked so good in the bakery), and the list of all the shops in MC that would deliver to them and I thought they were going to cry.


Equally, people are lovely. I am touched by people 'checking in' on me. Whilst I worry about my parents and race around stocking up their cupboards, friends are aware that I am alone and they check in on me. It's a nice feeling. I am, of course, fine as not only had I recently stocked up on dog food, but I ordered 4 cases of Brad 'n Ang Miraval rosé a couple of weeks ago and it has just arrived.


Everyone suddenly needs a dog! Dog walking is permitted, I have 2 dogs so consequently, I know pretty much every dog in my neighbourhood. In the last couple of days I have seen dogs that look as perplexed as I am as to why they are suddenly allowed out. Everyone is borrowing a bloody dog, or walking dogs that previously had to shit on the balcony. Other despicable assholes are taking their dogs to the refuge because 'the dog might have corona'. If you're not a regular consumer of pangolins, your pets have nothing to do with this virus and deserve a few extra cuddles while you're stuck home with them.


This is a rich person disease. People weren't too worried about the horrific Ebola crisis in 2014. Swine flu, bird flu, all devastating diseases but in far away 'poor' places. So the reason we seem to be overreacting? Because it's HERE in our nice western backyard. Everyone should work from home! Tell that to the gardeners and cleaners and shop assistants. Your kids can be home schooled! Sure, assuming you have high speed internet and a few laptops at home just waiting for this moment.


There is a silver lining. I am very hopeful that Greta will have some amazing facts and figures to back up her climate talks in the not too distant future. About how just 2 weeks with far less cars and hardly any planes has managed to reverse a little of the damage we've inflicted on the planet. Armed with such proof, maybe some of the naysayers will be convinced to listen and react. Everything has a silver lining, and climatic improvements might just be the Covid 19 silver lining.


We're all going to look a bit dodgy in a couple of weeks. Never have I regretted getting my semi permanent nail polish done in rouge noir more. I was due for a change of polish today, which obviously won't be happening, and now I will have weird talons of half natural pink, half Dracula red for a few more weeks. My roots will be mousy grey, my 'blond' a bit more orange than it should be. My hair will be less hairstyle and more haystack.


My cleaner is a saint. A saint that won't be coming for a few weeks. Apparently, I prefer cleaning to working, as yesterday, when I should have been finishing off a website, I chose to scrub my flat and move all the furniture around. Also, cleaning takes a long time. My cleaner does the whole house in 4 hours. I took a day doing what she does in 2 hours because of all the stupid distractions (dancing whilst mopping, frequent breaks to check the news, catching up on Eastenders in the background....).


I'm an expert at avoidance tactics. The reason I haven't done my filing in 4 years isn't because I'm too busy. I am currently not that busy, but the filing remains untouched. I have washed the car mats and put leather treatment on the seats rather than do the filing. In another 10 days, maybe I will have run out of filing avoidance tactics.


What's with the toilet paper? Seriously. I have large stocks of loo roll as I have a big house with 5 loos and lots of visitors in the summer, so I buy it in bulk when it's on offer. But if I was on my last loo roll, I would WASH MY BUM. I have a shower, in Monaco I even have a bidet, loo roll is NOT the most important thing in my life.


I am lucky. A lot of people are going to suffer some very hard times in the next few months, I am safe, I am well, I am lucky.




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