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Writer's pictureCarla Webb

Fast and Hike - Day 5

I'm fed up now, my mouth is revolting, slimy, it's like I am thirsty but nothing can quench it. Well, my choice is water or herbal tea and neither do the trick. I brush my teeth, brush my tongue, I gargle with Listerine multiple times a day but it still feels gross. I slept like shit, back aching, bloody wild boar and foxes fighting noisily outside my window.


I want to EAT. I'm not particularly hungry but I want to prepare food, sit down with a plate and eat food. I want to bite, chew, smell, drink. BUT.... I have lost 4 kilos so I am motivated. Everyone seems a bit perkier today, but I'm not. The hike is the longest yet. It's through the enormous estate of Picasso's Chateau in Vauvenargues. Quite beautiful but I have no pics because I didn't take my phone. We end up going through the village of Vauvenargues, past restaurants, shops.... I was desperate to grab an apple from the outside display of the local minimart and bite into it. Or a pain au chocolat.


I wanted to sunbathe this afternoon but it's been super windy and this old house rattles and bangs and Paco is having a minor panic attack so I spend most of it calming him down which involves being under a duvet with him curled up and stuck to my side, occasionally jumping at another gust of wind and emerging to look worriedly at the rustling trees out of the window.


France has this horrid habit of boiling water and adding spices to it and drinking it. It stinks, and permeates through to my room. I can't imagine that spiced water tastes great either. She announces to me that she has stopped putting garlic in it. Which is odd as she still stinks of it. But not as bad, admittedly. More of a 'I don't shower very much so garlic is still oozing out of my pores' lingering odour.


I have lost count of how many times Jean Jacques has mentioned 'tête de veau'. At least 3 times a day. I actually didn't believe people ate that. I feel a bit nauseous every time he mentions it and I made the mistake of googling it tonight. Possibly the worst thing I have seen on a plate since being presented pigs trotter one New Years Eve in St Moritz in the late 80's.


Ania has upped her game in the chatty stakes. She starts wittering the minute she emerges, and continues chatting all day long. Non stop. She mentions China on the hour, every hour. I am a bit intrigued as to why she was in China but am frightened to ask as this might involved another hour of her babbling nonsense. Luckily her favourite person is Jean Jacques so she spends most of her time yakking to him.


Hélène is still obsessed with her sinuses and constantly moaning about her runny nose. I have yet to see her blow it. She also tells us her temperature every morning and that she has had a fever since she's been here. Fever? There's no way you could do those hikes looking relatively 'normal' with a fever. And who on earth brings a thermometer with them on holiday?


We have yoga, which is quite pleasant as its the very slow breathing type which seems to involve doing very little. I can do pretty much the whole class with trembling Paco on my lap/tummy. It seems to calm him down.


I refuse the broth tonight. Just. Can't. Drink. That. Shit. Anymore. This makes me grumpy, the same grumpy I feel when I'm in some lovely expensive restaurant and I choose at great length but when it arrives it tastes yuk. We then have a lecture on the horrors of dairy. I happened to be sitting in the living area as its the only place you get wifi so I got trapped into listening. He was comparing the fat and protein content of breast milk to various other animals including horses and donkeys. I REALLY don't give a toss about donkey milk content - why did we need to know that? Do people consume DONKEY MILK?


Apparently Krill Oil is good for you - mental note to waste more money on krill oil. I hope the whales aren't suffering from humans newfound desire to consume krill.


2 days to go. I can do this.

Collapsed after our chilly swim in the Calanques, listening to Crime Junkie.




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